| the blog of human failure
Now here’s a story that includes everything we love at the Blog of Human Failure: A man hires a maid off of the internet to clean his house while his wife is on vacation. Nothing too strange about that. The fun is of course is that she’s a maid who is specially trained in the profession of house cleaning while nude. The reason this is a news story at all is that the man took his eye of the maid while she went in to clean the bedroom and when his wife got home a few days later she noticed $40,000 worth of her jewelry was missing.
You have to remember that this woman stole $40,000 of jewelry completely naked. If you don’t have a picture in your head of a naked woman confidently walking out the front door of a house with a long string of pearls dragging from her nether-regions onto the floor behind her like so much toilet paper stuck to her shoe, then you probably aren’t me.
The great lesson to be learned from all of this is that if you’re going to hire nude workers, do like I do and only hire nude outside workers. You get all of the benefit and distraction of staring at naked people with none of the security risk that comes with having unknown people in your house while you’re aroused. Although come to think of it, I have noticed that my azalea bushes are missing and that there’s a familiarly sweet odor coming out of Felipe. Plus he’s been complaining of stomach pains. Plus I’ve been seeing a lot of blood on my BBQ deck. I thought someone shot a deer. Oh Felipe.
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