| the blog of human failure
Bon jour one last time from Paris my friends. I’ve got 13 minutes and this ridiculous metal keyboard again. Plus this terminal keeps lagging while the clock ticks. Light the fire; we’re going to burn it down.
Funny Things About Madrid:
1) I’ve found it. The last country. You can still smoke indoors in Spain. It’s the final frontier. Smoke’m while you got’em Spain. If they can get Paris, they can get you.
2) With every beer you order, and I’m talking about a Mahou here, you get a free tapa. Chorizo, potato salad, pistachios, fresh made potato chips, anchovies, quiche, friend potato chunks. You advance a level with every beer you order, and if they have to repeat themselves before you run out of money, then you win.
3) It’s hard to get drunk enough to fall asleep in a room with 14 other people in it and no air conditioning when the bar tender keeps feeding you potato salad.
4) No one is in a hurry to take your money. It always feels like you are bothering someone to pay for something. I guess they figure you have nowhere to go. And in fairness they are right.
5) In Madrid, napkins have the texture of credit card receipts.
6) There is a restaurant by my hostel named Museo de Jamon. My Spanish is rusty I admit, but I think that translates to Ham Museum. And it’s a chain. A chain of Ham Museums. I think that gives you an idea of the kind of city we’re dealing with here.
7) If that doesn’t totally get you there, I went to a bar and behind the counter there was a sweating pig’s leg in a wooden vice-clamp so tapas could be sawed right off of it. Oh, and on the way there I passed protesters in front of a McDonald’s complaining about their treatment of animals. Seriously.
8 ) Last food thing: creamed salami sandwiches, creamed ham sandwiches, creamed anchovy and cheese sandwiches. Like salami put in a blender with heavy cream and put on white bread. Very tasty. Seriously.
9) At 6 AM on a Friday, what sounded like hundreds of drunken Spaniards stood under my window banging on garbage cans for 40 minutes, slurring an espanyol only version of “We Will Rock You.” I love that song!
10) There are lots of deformed beggars in Madrid, and also you’re not supposed to drink the tap water. I’m always suspicious of the correlation.
11) Hey El Grecco. It’s Jesus; we get it. Next topic please. That goes double for you Velazquez.
12) The pedestrian traffic lights beep at you like smoke detectors.
13) And we have a winner. .80 Euro for a Coca-Cola light at a Madrid bodega. At .73 Euros to the dollar, that’s just about Manhattan prices. My new home away from home.
I’ll be back in the USA tomorrow. We’ll make a new plan for going forward together from here after that.
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I discovered your homepage by coincidence.
Very interesting posts and well written.
I will put your site on my blogroll.
Comment by Aaron Wakling — July 21, 2008 #
I read your comment by accident in craigslist and I have to tell you that is soooooooooo impresive how you wasted your time here in Madrid. I can tell some stupid things about your country and a tons of silly topics too, but I wont. I got to know your country but thanks god I can talk about more things than McDonals, French Fries, Coke, pepsi, or food. There are so many things that I’m afraid you lost when you came, I invite you to come again and TASTE the real madrid. Just let me know if you do.
P.S. Madrid water is the best. I have drunk it since I was 3 years old, I’m 23 and guess what? I’m alive and I’m not a beggar.
Comment by A spaniard — August 28, 2008 #
I cant bealive you erased my coment, was it offensive in some way? not as much as this post..
Comment by Me — August 28, 2008 #
I can see your comments right here. All very insightful points.
Comment by JMD — August 29, 2008 #
Good point
Comment by A spaniard — August 29, 2008 #