| the blog of human failure
I’ve always been an especially lazy man, a man who has no interest or ability to develop his personality or exercising and grooming in a way that will make himself more attractive to women. I bring this up because I’ve always had a fantasy of going to another country where the standard of beauty was such that I, as I am right now, would just naturally be a very handsome man to the local inhabitants. The good majority of us know, that as things stand right now, we are only considered relatively unpleasant to look at in the eyes of our fellow countrymen. But does anyone else’s mind contemplate these things? Maybe someplace where the people look completely different like Africa or Japan. Because you look so completely different from the local people there, perhaps they don’t understand that you’re an ugly one of whatever you are. You might be as handsome or beautiful a specimen as your race has to offer. The problem is with globalization, they’re seeing advertisements and movies with your Angelina Jolies and your George Clooneys. Our corporations are unfairly informing these cultures what the American standard scale of beauty is when 50 years ago a guy like me could go to Sapporo or Ghana and be considered the epitome of attractiveness to the local eye. My only hope is that despite our best efforts to inform them of what Americans find attractive, they simply have too deeply an ingrained sense that the way I look is a mysterious and beautiful vision of masculinity. Until I have visited a greater swatch of countries, I’m not ruling this scenario out. I just have a beautiful fantasy of going somewhere like the Solomon Islands and having every woman there instantly taken with this unique looking stranger. Having the world retrofitted to all of a sudden imagining you in the popular consciousness as a beautiful person would be too glorious a proposition to pass up. Your ego would never let you get back on the boat.
It is this sort of missed opportunity that reminds me of another scenario. Each of us probably has a number of things we would be immensely talented at but because we’ve never discovered them or nature does not allow us the capacity to exercise them they are lost on us forever. It’s interesting to think how many of us have the specific musculature and flexible cartilage that would have made us Olympic quality gymnasts but out of sheer bad luck we never took a class or even tried to do a cartwheel. I always imagined that I would be excellent at giving blowjobs, but I was born bearing the unfortunate cross of heterosexuality. Not once have I been receiving a blowjob and not thought that I could have done a better job blowing myself. The worst part about it is the knowing. The knowledge that you could be traveling the world giving premium quality blowjobs but trapped in your straight solitary confinement, watching through the window as a lifetime of squandered talent plays with its friends in the prison yard. I suppose I could go around blowing guys despite my heterosexuality, but without the gusto of sheer felatic enjoyment I don’t think my blowjobs would be any better than that of your average enthusiastic however tragically unskilled woman. A homosexual who loves blowing guys doesn’t know how good he’s got it, really being able to apply such a strong skill set to an avocation he relishes in. These are the kind of missed opportunities that the lazy man will contemplate in his ample time off.
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