| the blog of human failure
Can we all come together and admit that the only reason we’re not allowed to eat each other is because of outdated customs and superstition? I can’t be the only one around here wondering what everyone else tastes like. I’ve thrown over a quarter of my life away and I have even tried anyone. I love biting my nails and the dead skin off of my hands. Is there any doubt that this would taste better in larger quantities grilled over charcoal with a dry rub, and if it were somebody else’s hand?
Now let’s not go crazy. I’m not suggesting that we go chopping off people’s hands and feet and those delicious looking undersides of their thighs. What I am suggesting is that homeless people should be fed to each other until this country can safely claim that no man, woman, or child goes to bed hungry every night. “Well, they’ll be well fed,” you say. “But they still won’t have any place to live.” I have one word for you, my friend: bonehouses.
Aerosmith suggests that we “eat the rich,” but how feasible is that? Not a chance in this anarcho-capitalist society. The rich know what a satisfying meal they would make for the proletariat and they’ve built up big walls around their fortresses, bathing themselves in honey-mustard sauce all day, laughing at our misfortune. While as in contrast, the homeless are sitting outside.
“Well that’s bully for the homeless, but what about the average working class Joe like me,” you say. “Where can I get a slice of Peter pot pie?” I can understand your concern. You wouldn’t pet the homeless, much less eat them. However, people are having limbs removed left and right all over this country, which as far as I know aren’t being taken home to be shellacked and mounted as souvenirs. Would it be crass to suggest opening restaurants in the VA hospitals? Disrespectful? Next to the VA hospitals. Seems downright patriotic to me.
That’s good meat friends. You don’t have to be honoring Quetzalcoatl or lost in the Sierra Nevada to admit you want a taste. Enough with the elaborate ruses! But please no having children just to leash them to a stake to be fattened up like veal and then eaten. I don’t care what these pro-choice people tell you, this is at best tacky and at worst some kind of misdemeanor. However, anything that comes out stillborn is up for grabs. And I think we’re about done here.
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