| the blog of human failure
Now I’ve never been raped before, but I can only assume that when you get raped somewhere you immediately develop a negative association with that place. For instance if you were to get raped at a movie theater you would have a continuing aversion towards movie theaters or if you got raped at an Ultimate Fighting Championship you would have a lifetime aversion to octagons. I can’t help but think that with a constructive imagination and a few helpful friends, you would be able to apply this special brand of aversion therapy towards all the negative locations or associations in your life that you would just as soon rid yourself of.
The most obvious example would be if you were an alcoholic. If so, it would be advantageous to have a good friend, or at the very least a discreet acquaintance, rape you at a bar to help you firm up a nice negative association with drinking alcohol. Just imagine yourself sitting slant backed on a bar stool or quietly tucked into a corner booth by yourself, drowning your sorrows in alcohol for the umpteenth time, resigning yourself to a lifetime of negative repetitive afflicting behavior, only to have a good friend with your best interests in his or her heart come in masked or mustachioed and rape you into the next stage of affirmative and forward thinking behavior. When you measure the continuous cycle of gin soaked broken dreams versus a painful yet quickly executed rape in the right direction, this seems like a clear case of ends justifying the means.
Get raped out of smoking. Get raped out of biting your nails. Get raped out of those extra pounds around your tummy and thighs. A guy or gal with a devoted best friend could infinitely improve his or her life and further mold formerly bad habits towards a new self-construction. The only negative effect I can foresee is the possibility of forming an inextricable positive association with getting raped. Though always painful and unpleasant, after seeing good results pile up on top of each other it will be difficult not to at least form a strong intellectual connection between the misfortune of rape and the new and improved you.
But I’ve got the solution. So there you are almost completely a changed person, having had all your negative traits mentally associated with the horror of rape and therefore held forever in submission. The only thing left is that you’re a terrible procrastinator. So there you are surfing the internet instead of completing a work assignment that you’ll need for the following morning when in walks a masked assailant who starts raping you as per usual. “Oh great,” you think. “Although this rape is certainly unpleasant, I know that from now on I’ll sure have trouble procrastinating when I’ve got important work to do.” As soon as that thought starts forming in your head, you know what happens? Bam! Another person comes in to rape you at the same time, to break you of your positive associations with rape. Swiss fucking watch baby.
As the last matter of course I suggest having only one or two friends in your circle do the raping for everybody else. The problem is that they will develop very strong positive associations between the rapes they are committing and the warm glowing feeling they get in their hearts from doing so much to help their friends. That is why when they are perpetrating their last rape on another one of your friends, you must disguise yourself and then rape them while they’re in the middle of raping another. This will leave them with, at best, a lukewarm feeling about rape in general. And there the last loose end has been neatly tied up.
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