| the blog of human failure
Henry was happy to set Mitch up with a job at his PR firm. He had risen to the ranks of vice-president and was for the first time in his life able to buy himself and his dog separate toothbrushes. Mitch started off at the job very strong, reeling in a few big clients, and spent less and less time crying at his desk each day. Things took a slow nose dive as a malaise settled over Mitch. He turned up for work later each successive day. He stopped making showering a routine habit. He was frequently caught borrowing Scolnick’s dog’s toothbrush. Then came a week when McCulloch simply didn’t show up for work at all. Scolnick didn’t know what to do. On one hand he didn’t want to have to fire his friend. On the other hand he couldn’t have an employee he hired not showing up for work for an entire week. His employees would think he was a pushover and he had already spent so much money on extra wide, stabilizing footwear. On the other hand he couldn’t be personally responsible for every decision the company makes. Echh, it’s got three hands, thought Scolnick. Keep it away from the children! He obviously had to calm down. He didn’t even have any children and if he did, they would certainly have the appropriate protective netting. What he needed was a plan. Before he could even begin thinking Mitch burst into his office.
“I can’t do this anymore,” said Mitch bursting into tears. “I can’t hack it in the real world any longer. I’m moving back to the island.”
“Listen, I’m sorry if I was so hard on you but I’ll buy you your own tooth brush for god’s sake,” said Scolnick. “It’s just gross.”
“It’s not about the toothbrush. It’s not about my job or my wife. Life just isn’t the same since I’ve gotten back from that island. I left something of myself there and there’s only one way I’m going to get it back,” said McCulloch leaning on the chair next to the desk.
“Because I can’t pay you for that week you missed,” said Scolnick. “And I’m certainly not moving back to that island, Mitch. I’ve got a wife now and fancy shoes. I mean, look at me. I haven’t seen a jelly bean in three months!”
“I don’t want you to come with me,” said McCulloch, putting his hand on Scolnick’s shoulder. “You’re my best friend Henry, and you were always there for me. I want you to know that if I could pick any book, CD, and person to bring with me on a deserted island I would bring Absolute Power by David Baldacci, I Don’t Want What I Haven’t Got by Sinead O’Connor, and you my friend.”
The two men embraced and Mitch McCulloch raced out the door towards his destiny. That’s the craziest son of a bitch I ever met, thought Scolnick smiling, standing by himself.
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